For several years of my life, I have put my happiness in the hands of others.
Time and time again, I was disappointed. And what a lesson this has been.
What I have come to learn is happiness is a choice. You choose to wake up and be positive or you can choose to allow the troubles of yesterday to ruin today. I have dealt with my fair share of disappointments. And this has been because I expect others to bring me happiness. I seek approval, validation, and for others to like me. How quickly this has changed.
I have lost friends and family. People who were supposed to stay in my corner. I have been in relationships where I was belittled and did not feel like myself. I always did things to make others happy when I was miserable. Out in the public eye, I seem to have it altogether. Behind closed doors, I have struggled and overcame this need to please.
For quite a while, I felt different. Like I did not belong to certain groups of people. I always felt this need for more. This need to be challenge and stimulated. I shared different interests than everyone around me. I’ve been at a constant war with trying to maintain my craft while everyone around me just did not agree because they did not understand me. I do not think anyone has, except for one person, my grandma.
I have cried for hours. I have been angry. I have been depressed. I have felt let-down. I have felt like a failure at every turn. This is bound to happen for a starving artist such as me.
Every time I have felt happy or positive about something, I would often ask for the approval or opinions of the people around me. Family, friends, boyfriends, the works. They never seemed to understand my drive or why those things interested me. I was often met with negative comments or about how I’m crazy for liking that or I should not even waste my time.
This has been my fuel.
I have used this to drive my writing, my art, and whatever else I wish to succeed in. I will show all of these people who have said little of me or have turned their backs on me. But, let me set the record straight. I will not be doing this for anyone, except me.
The road to the top is lonely and I have to be willing to be alone. To really zone in on my work and get the job done, without the stamp of approval of anyone else.
Words are just words, but sometimes they sting. I guess I am still learning how to be on my How to give it my all and the best I’ve got.
No one can take my passion from me. Or my drive. My work ethic or my craft.
I am tough. I am strong. I have overcome adversities. I have proven people wrong. No one can have an opinion about something they have not done.
I believe if you were to ask some of the most successful people how they dealt with this particular issue, I can imagine them saying that they really focused their attention on their work, rather than what others had to say. They did not allow someone or something to take them off their path.
I no longer choose to place my happiness in the arms of another. My life is determined by me and how I want to live it. People will always have something to say, that is a given. Let them talk.
Be happy on your own. Be whole on your own. You got this.