I am sitting here in bed, with the lamp by my bedside turned on providing minimal lighting, with my puppy asleep beside me, and I immediately felt the need to write. It is always this time of night when my thoughts do not shut off. When the rest of the world is peacefully sleeping, I stay up and think.
I’ve been very focused on myself recently. My health and well being, finishing school and starting a new career, and trying to better myself in every way. I started reflecting on life; things that I’ve felt proud of and times where I wish I could have done things differently. But, that’s how life works right? You learn from mistakes and failures. I just wish the crappy feeling of regret and guilt would not haunt me. I try to channel that guilt into something positive. I try to be a better person. I use those mistakes to make me better.
This post started off with one main idea and somehow I geared off into something else. But hey, that’s what writing is.
I started reflecting on things that inspire me like books or movies. Dead Poets Society, was the movie that really paved the way for me wanting to be a teacher. My senior year of high school I was almost certain I knew what I wanted my major in college to be. I made it to college, after many obstacles, and I ended up changing my major about 5 times, as most young adults do. It was not until I watched this movie when it really hit me. I had been a martial arts instructor for many years and I found such enjoyment in teaching my children’s classes. I found something I was good at. I was able to mix my hobby of martial arts and teaching all wrapped in one. It was perfect.
Robin Williams, plays Mr. Keating, the main character in the movie. He is an English teacher at an all boys Catholic school where rules and curriculum are very rigid. He taught these boys about more than just the mundane school work. He taught them about life. How to follow their dreams. How to challenge themselves. How to remain true to what they really wanted. I remember watching the movie with wide eyes because he was so well respected. The boys admired him. And I thought, this is what I want.
“I think there should be a rule that everyone in the world should get a standing ovation at least once in their lives.” – Wonder
Now you’re probably wondering how this quote above relates to what I’m saying in my post. Here is the answer. I know my standing ovation will be when I become a teacher. I will finally have found my purpose. Why I am here. What I was set out to do. With all the twists and turns of life, I was led to this even when I least expected to choose this profession. I’m not sure if it was Robin William’s brilliant acting or the fact that I had already been teaching, or perhaps a mix of both, but I’m glad I was led down this path. I have been met with constant doubts and hesitation, but I remain true to what my soul wants. Every fiber in my being knows this is what I am meant for.
I always felt lost in a way. Like I did not have a sense of direction and I struggled to find my purpose. I looked to others for answers. I placed my happiness in the hands of others and what a mistake that was. As a young adult, it is quite easy to be swayed into making certain decisions because other people tell you that you should. I allowed that for far too long. People will begin to support your decisions when they see how successful you become. But, this should not matter at all.
My standing ovation will be when my students look to me as an inspiration, as the person they can talk to when they feel overwhelmed, the person they can discuss hopes and dreams with. I want my classroom to be a safe space for all my students.
I cannot wait to step foot into my classroom and finally begin my career.
O’ Captain, My Captain . . .